Wednesday, 19 June 2013

An introduction to the madness

So.... after looking back over the past usage of my Facebook account I have come to realise that I have more 'followers' than friends. Not that I don't see these people as my friends, because I certainly wouldn't have accepted a friend request from anyone who I wouldn't happily have a candid conversation with, but because, whenever I see these people, I am forever getting comments on my most recent Facebook status. Whether I haven't seen these people for years or not, does not seem to matter. They will all make comment on my latest status and how it made them laugh, cry, made their day better or otherwise. Today, having seen another message from one of my follower friends, I have decided it's time. Today I start a blog.
So where to start? I suppose I should acknowledge that not everyone who reads this blog will know me or my family directly so I should probably begin by introducing myself and the people who make my life so entertaining.

I'm a 31 year old mother of three girls. Miss H (11), Miss M (3), and Miss A (21 months). To give you a mental image of myself; I am 4' 11", I weigh 54kg, I am very loud, swear more than I should, laugh a lot and could be described as manic.... even that I just don't shut up! What do I like to do.... well I would like to think of myself as artistic however I never seem to have had the time to do anything with it. I can sing, dance, have self taught the basics of guitar and piano, but again have had no time to do anything with it. I have been a teenage mother, a guest speaker, a nurse, a teacher, have auditioned for australian idol, have run a half marathon, and have come close to death on a couple of occasions.... I have had bells palsy as a child, been hospitalised for over a month for peritonitis/pneumonia/fluid on the lung, I have a weird blood antibodies, I am a carrier for haemochromatosis, I have been in a car roll over. I have fat friends, skinny friends, gay friends, straight friends, black friends, white friends and I love them all the same...... but above all this I'm a working mum and I'm tired. And this I guess is where the hilarity comes in!

Hubby to be.
we have been together for almost fifteen years. He is a 32 year old concreter who calls a spade a spade, drinks like a fish, swears like nobody's business, and at times is a non-bald version of Homer Simpson with an athletic physique on a 160cm tall frame (you get my drift). He can drive me insane, and do things that make me want to punch him directly in the manparts, but loves me dearly and unquestionably at the same time, which I never thought at all possible. He was the good looking bad boy at seventeen that no sixteen year old can resist and he grabbed on and hung on tight from there..... above all this he is a father, and he loves us..... he is obviously not as tired as me because the pathetic excuse for a man has a nap every day [said in that voice you used when you were repeating what your siblings are saying], and has an equal part in the hilarity that is my life!

Miss H.
Almost 12 years old, bubbly, loud, talkative typical pre-teen (eye roller) that can at times be a bit vague and self-centered but under it all has a huge heart and a caring nature. Her big claim to fame is that she shaved her hair and raised over $21,000 for breast cancer research 18 months ago. Her hair has only just got back to a workable girly length which has increased her face to mirror time threefold! Spends her time with her face in an Ipad, annoying her sisters, or following her mother around in a shadow like manner until her mother screams blue bloody murder, at which point she whines 'what was I doing wrong, I'm bored!!'. Miss H LOVES an argument and will debate that the sky is green just to get her parents blood pressure up. In the face of defeat she will insist that her 'teacher told her' and leave the debate at a stale mate.

Miss M.
Almost 4 years old, mischievous, clever, busy, blonde haired and blue eyed angel looking type child that underneath is the devil incarnate. Gets into everything, AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. This is the child you will find with sanitary pads stuck all over her, or the one that gets into your makeup and blames the baby, or the one who cleverly works out how to remove and then replace the childlocks from the cupboards so you spend your time wondering how all the folded clothes ended up on the floor. Miss M keeps her parents on their toes.

Miss A.
Miss A is a moody adult in a fat baby body. Miss A looks like a sharpei dog when naked. Miss A spends her time getting dressed and screaming 'HELP' which in Miss A language means 'don't friggin touch me I can DO IT MY MYSELF' which is the most confusing concept EVER for her parents because when she needs help she also yells 'HELP'. She spends and equal portion of time getting undressed. She is often found naked in her bed having pee'd all over her sheets or in the fridge door looking for snacks. Miss A does not have a thyroid condition - she just likes her food, she chucks a beauty of a tantrum in which she stares you directly in the eye and sporadically yells 'NO' until she gives up and folds herself in half crying loudly. When Miss A is in a good mood she is running round the house (naked) giggling, pretending she is a dog, pushing round her dolly in the pram, wanting 'UP peeeeeeese' because her mother is trying to eat, or asking her mum to 'HELP' with something which then generally leads again to another tantrum because who the hell knows what she means by that!!! Miss A loves to challenge her parents.

Presently we are renovating.... our house is THAT HOUSE. The house that is always half done, that the neighbours wonder if they'll ever finish it. There is stuff everywhere inside and out because with the renovations nothing has its place yet. There is always washing on the couch that needs folding. There is always something sticky on the floor, something drawn on the wall or something smudged on the windows.
There is a HUGE black dog (6 year old) in the backyard who has a big scary bark but who is sooooo excited to have a friend to play with once you get past the gate. He is contained by a small fence that he is afraid to scale having hurt his man parts as a pup (prior to his manpartectomy). And on the few occasions he has got out, he sits at the front door with a sad face waiting for someone to get home. He is scared of thunderstorms, water, my pointed finger and scowl, and my stomping up the hall to the backdoor when he has been unnecessarily barking. He was bottle fed in the palms of our hands as a pup and reminds us very much of scooby doo.

So thats the gist of us.... we aren't perfect, but we are a house full of fun/love/noise and craziness. It is at this point I would like to make it clear that I love my children dearly! They are an exhausting little bunch but I wouldn't change them for the world! When complaining about my bad day I am never wishing it away but rather as a way of 'laughing it off' because lets be honest sometimes you either laugh or you'll cry!

Enjoy reading,


1 comment:

  1. Am i your first? Am i?......yay i am the first to comment on your first blog. Well done girl. I shall tune in. Watch out for my soon to be created blog, life and times of a overweight cyclist.